be careful what you wish for...

you just might get it all...

and then the challenge is for you to do what needs to be done with it. God answers prayers whether you think you are ready or not.

I am finding many prayers answered recently. am interpreting the answers and finding that I need to use the gifts NOW, and not conitue to put them off for some other time.

I am not ready to reveal details. But am hoping by documenting the process, i will not be able to drag my feet and turn a blind eye to what God has placed in front of me and is pushing me toward any longer. I want to put it out to the universe, that i AM thankful for the answers, I see them, feel them and am willing, even if not yet ready to use them.

ready or not, the game has already started

I have a brand new co-worker. oh how I love her already. mostly cause she and her husband have fallen for me. they think I am pretty. :) and have made it thier mission to "find me a nice guy".

hell yeah, i am all for the set ups! I have not done so well on my own so far. the help is welcome!

but wow, she is moving fast...just this morning, she invited me to a dinner fondue thing....with her family, and her friends family...oh yeah and a friend of hers who is in town....you know so he and I wont have to be the odd ones out amongst the two families....no pressure, just coudl be buddies, he has a water front house and is a really good guy, would be a good person to have as a friend even if nothing else happened.

The book I have been trying to finish from ladies bible class is currently telling me to not ignore God's gifts, his pushing in a direction, the open doors he puts in front of you, to fight the battle he leads you to, not the ones you think should be first. so...onward ho with the battle of my shy fears, and so long battle of the bulge. its time to get back out there, without the millions of excuses I have been hiding behind, with my extra pounds. ;) love me, love my lovehandles? Its not like the extra digit on my label has made any difference in my life thus far, except in how I feel about myself. so, obvously the problem lies within me, not in my outward appearance.

I hate dieting! I hate thinking about what I am eating. I love food. so..I have bought some new clothes, will continue to add items to my wardrobe, one sale at a time. I have a feeling, that when i get the inside stuff in shape, food will not be hating me anymore, and the outside will work itself out on its own. I have not been reading labels, and have not had any more crazy soybean oil allergy attacks. (although I am still fearful of that sodium laurel sulfate).

say a quick prayer for me if you think about it, that I will find the strength and bravery to follow thru. That I am as ready as God is trying to tell me I am.

hello my name is....

I am addicted to grocery shopping. Specifically HEB meal deals and coupons.
love it. it is ridiculus. I live alone, me and bridget. am hardly home. yet I have a fully stocked pantry, a crammed freezer and my refridgerator operates at ideal capacity (a full fridge runs with less electricity than an empty one) most of the time.

I have been feeding my obsession with the grocery store by feeding my face to make room for more. not consciously of course (who would on purpose stuff their face?) but I have noticed my feet hurting and I can only guess it is partly from my eating.

I also have been having strong urges to do something "bad". not the random urge to steal bags of chips from sub sandwich shops (I didn't take it, but I sure wanted to for some reason). but an urge to do somethign out of character and wild, something I coudl do as "someone else" and then walk away from and return to my own life.... anyway, the point was, I feel like i compensated for that urge by mistreating my stomach instead, discovered in a bad losing bout Monday night, which happened to be the same night several others i know were also worshiping at the porcelain temple of the stomach gods.

identifying the problem is the first step isn't it? well, the sore feet and the stomach are enough to make me crave my salad and turn me off of mindless eating.

I also have not gotten as much exercise as I used to. yes I am doing my tai chi, but I am not doing bellydancing, and Bridge and I have not been walking due to her limping. Well, she is now using her back foot so we will have to start our exercise on our free nights again, even if the time change does make it dark sooner.

soon I hope to regain my motivation to exercise too. I have been doing lots of cleaning out and osrting of my junk pile on my desk at home. may not help my outside appearance, but definately feels accomplished. :)

my other new motivation: a friend wrote in my birthday card that i am "beautiful inside and out". in that light, I am on a mission to be a more compassionate friend, and stop letting my stress over rule my gentleness. I have found that I have been short with people i care about and not as forgiving as i woudl like to be lately. but am well on teh road to living up to my friend's description, one step, one kind word, one forgiving thought at a time, including toward my own shortfalls.

I really need to write on this thing....
I have been writing....but only on my blog on myspace.
Maybe I shoudl copy some of those and move them here....
But not today, I have to run home and take care of the pup before I run to tai chi class. classmates are testing into their yellow belts this evening so as much I as need to pack and do stuff at home tonight, I can't miss this one.

Specifics .... 161

I braved the scale yesterday morning, after not eating dinner before or after my yellow sash testing the night before and on an empty stomach before work.

When i first stepped on, i was ready to give up completely. then i realized that when i was not standing on the scale it still registered at 20 pounds.

which made the truth much easier to take after seeing the exaggerated number. I am currently 161 pounds naked and on an empty stomach. Just over the weight claimed by the guy my height that says, "but it is muscle, which weighs more" as if we woudl think he is overweight.

Far from my 135 that I weighed not that very long ago when i was doing nutrisystem, but also far enough away from my heaviest that I can still see hope of fitting back into my clothes, after all I have come down from worse.....

weekend whirlwind

here is the quick weekend recap...

Friday, walked Bridget's legs off. took her to the park where I make her choose our path down paved and unpaved trails. It's amazing we find our way back sometimes. she chose the high road, no creekbed this time. but I didn't let her turn to the car and made her keep going for one more round til the sun went down on us.

Saturday i had Tai chi in the morning. Having trouble with learning the fans, they are moving very fast thru it and I skipped a class or two, but mom took notes so we can practice and get caught up. Have been getting very hot very fast in spite of the weather cooling off, think it has something to do with my "cycle" so should be back to normal next week.
Took Bridget to the Love my pet fair. she was tired from staying up late and getting up early and is scared of scarecrows, particularly the one we took a picture next to, so she wasa littel shaken up and skiddish in a way that is very unsual for her. but overall a good time walking thru the aisles and entering all the drawings. Bridget's favorite part was running out the door where she was free of haivng to stay close and be sniffed and barked at. The dogs near us are pretty quiet and spoiled, I dont think she knew what to think about so many dogs and cats in cages acting like animals. And she backed out of her collar once, poor baby was more freaked out about that than i was. She acted like I was going to give her away when i set her on the dog massage table to get hints and tips. funny girl.
Then on to the birthday party for one of my adopted moms. did well not eating too much, was very full, but not fat and stuffed. only had one piece of cake.
stayed up late after we finally got back home after midnight but didn't do late night snacking.

Sunday, Bridget and I did not wake up til 10, slept right thru the alarms, so no church. then we decided to stay home and clean, read the paper and watch movies instead of going to life group with the folks. what bums. I did go into work to try to get ahead a little too.

Didn't do much snacking this weekend. ate salad most meals.

Have not braved the scale yet, but did notice a little less love handles...

skin is clearing back up for the most part too. have attacked it with microdermabrasion, about every other day, peeling off the top layer of skin, making face a little dry, but with extra care to moisturizing, it seems to be helping.

Yes! a KO and a platinum record!

so Bridge and I took off for pet fest, after traffic and scattered showers and forgotten directions and awrong turn or two, we were lost as only I can get, it is a gift I think.
so no pet fest. a long car ride later, we met up with Alea and the kids and dogs and walked at the park in sprikling rain til the sun was setting.
Then back here to Wii my heart out.
Bowling and boxing...I'm all over it. Even with Bandit trying to tear my leg off for punching in the living room. I can only imagine what Bridget would have done had she not been asleep already.
I did work up a sweat, at the park and here with the games. I think that counts for exercise even if the stairs dont. :) Now jsut have to convince my love handles.

day two

So far so good, helps that the only snack I brought are grapes, and I am not one to raid someone else's pantry.
stairs? now I for sure am getting a small one story. at least one that has a bathroom downstairs. this running up and down to check on the girls or answer my phone from the bathroom after my shower as I get ready to go is crazy. :) Not as bad as forcing myself down to let the dogs out when Bandit woke me at the booty crack of dawn after I stayed up so late (I have a really hard time sleeping away from home, anyone else have this problem? I feel like the little girl who always leaves the slumber party at midnight cause she can't sleep somewhere new) Does this count toward my exercise for the day? Probably not.
Bridget and i are going to try not to get rained out of the Pet Fest. Going to stop by petsmart on the way to get dog medicine for her foot (my grandpa called a little bit ago and gave me a hard time for doctoring her with people medicine. we have to get dog food for our entrance fee/donation anyway. Supposed to go walking with Alea later, but Bridge's foot is red again, I think it may be the grass here or something in his carpet, she turned red all over last night like she was having a mild allergic reaction to something, she seems fine now but we'll see how it goes.

day one - donuts at work, restroom is upstairs - break even?

so I did have a total of three donuts and one fun size candy bar today. But usually on Fridays I will admit I am much worse.
Had a sandwich and an assortment of cold salads left over from a Jason's Deli Luncheon for lunch.
I had a salad for dinner with one of my old nutrisystem meals.
no dessert, even though Bridget and I made a run to Sonic to give Bandit a break. Came back with only my tea and a Dr.Pepper for tomorrow. Yes, I will drink it even watered down, but I put it in the freezer so it will be more like a slush. I will need the caffiene I am sure and am not making coffee. I brought food so i wouldn't have to eat out, but forgot to grab drinks. But saw the sonic right up the street on our way here. Home of the comfort drinks...reminds me of mom.
the house I am in is two story and the bathroom is upstairs, TV is downstairs, so we have been running up and down the stairs. Practiced the three series/parts of series I have learned in Tai Chi in the back yard while the girls played with the neighbor dog thru the fence. And while I didn't pull out the dance pad on the wii, I did stand and get my white girl groove on while I sang, not as far off key as I feared, to Karaoke Party.
tomorrow we will pull out the dance pad and get sweaty, and try tennis too.
Bridget and I might check out the pet fest in san marcos too, that should be good for some walking. and will give Bandit the break she will be needing by then from spunky Bridget. There is a large age difference these two friends have to deal with and they are both very bossy.

Re-Introduction

wow, 2005?
Was going to delete them but they are from so long ago....why bother. :)

I am going to use this space to keep track of my progress in making my laugh lines ans wrinkles show by my 30th birthday. and possibly to meet a few other goals. we'll see how it progresses. Even baby steps are movement forward, right?

starting today....ok maybe tomorrow... :) I dont have internet access at home, so I reserve the right to not post on weekends or during mad rush swamped times at work.

nothing to post yet, am at work, so no real exercise, and about to eat lunch, I did pass up a chacne to go to Freebirds, I love that place, but Amanda said she has lunch for me from our new coffee vender, so we'll see how it goes....

more later.....